Imbedding with our elite LRRP Recon

Imperial servitor Tarkanus got to imbed with one of the latest recon patrols.  This is what he observed as our boys in blue head out to pull some surveillance on some orks.

"I thought I was imbedding into an elite unit, I mean these guys are supposed to be airborne and shit.  What I found is that they are a bunch of home erotic f*#tards that I wouldn't trust around my own mother for fear of having to call them....Dad?!?

I seriously don't know how our training standards have fallen this far!  I will have to make a vehement report to the commandant when I get back."....

...."  We inserted into our dropzone in the dead of night.  It was supposed to be silent and quick.  That is until Trooper Gatling fell and farted when he hit the ground.  Instead of pulling security his whole squad busted into giggles, till Sgt. Harper growled at them to be quiet."...

...."We then marched through the night to our hidesite in an abandoned village 12 clicks away.  It was pretty quite except for Radio Operator Grove whining the whole time about how is ruck was so heavy with all his extra batteries.  He kept asking me to take a few but I refused.  We set up our observation post.  Lt. Jones and Sgt. Harper inspected the line making sure everything was as it should be."

...."We set in for a long week of surveillance.  It is pretty monotonous, I guess that's why the troopers have become so unprofessional.  Last night they stripped Trooper Bazooka naked, tied him up, then poured honey and crushed up crackers all over him.  Seriously how long do I have to stay out here with these guys?  I might call into galactic command to send a ship in for me.  "....

...."  Things have gotten pretty tense over the night.  Ork patrols have smelled us and are now searching for our position.  The Patrol is on high security, as we observe their movements.  One of the surveillance teams came in earlier with several ork heads.  When I told them that the were not supposed to engage the enemy they just shrugged and said they had gotten to close.  I have had just about enough of this unit.  I have called into galactic command for a ship to come pick me up.  I am not staying out with these degenerates one more night!"....

Sgt. Harper acting commander 2nd recon patrol:  " Well that idiot Tarkanus called in a ship from galactic command, without me or the LT knowing.  As it came in it began to take rocket fire from ork tribesmen out in the sandy dunes.  As it landed outside the compound is when things really heated up.

I guess an ork patrol followed the ship in, with out saying a word to any of us Tarkanus just ran for the ship.  The Lt saw the Orks and ran to cover Tarkanus.  The orks opened up, a slugga round slammed into Tarkanus nearly cutting him in half.  The boys really opened up trying to cover the Lt and the ship.  Lt reached Tarkanus and tried pulling his body back, while waving off the ship.  He then took a plasma round evaporating him and Tarkanus into blue goo.  The pilot saw this and puked as he was taking off.  He must have got some puke on the controls cause he banked hard crashing right into the ork patrol.  I took the recon team up to check for survivors, but they were all dead.  

I gathered up the patrol, and called in an extraction point 3 clicks away.  We moved hard and fast, and Trooper Grove bitched about how heavy his extra batteries where the whole time. "